We’ve all heard it before. Give yourself a hot start, keep body language open, make eye contact, don’t read your slides… And yet, why are so many of us, well, not great presenters?

The trouble is what most people have in their minds as the gold standard are presentations like TED Talks. And, don’t get us wrong, TED is awesome. But, measuring yourself against the top 0.1% of all presenters is probably not that realistic. The fact of the matter is that presentation skills are far more important in more intimate settings. All that wonderful (last century) training falls away when we present one to one, or to a small group. When, in fact, we are FAR more likely to close an opportunity.

And then add to that the proliferation of digital presentation formats – Skype, Slack, Snapchat (yes – we are presenting every time we use Snapchat). How many of us have completely lost the plot during a Skype call? Prayed for a tech fail? Has anyone ever had a webinar go completely smoothly, let alone convincingly?? New technologies absolutely require us to reinvent how we approach the art of presenting.

The best analogy I can think of is that our current notion of excellent presentation skills is stuck in the ‘broadcast’ era when we should really be thinking about upgrading to a one-on-one – yes, ‘digital’ approach.

So, how do we rethink presentation skills and create fabulous chemistry in this new era? I think – wait for it – we could do a lot worse than to look to the dating world for inspiration. Creepy? No, not really. Think of it this way. Great relationships, no matter whether they’re personal or business, are built on bonding. So… here are a few of my thoughts on how we can learn from the dating world to make presentations far more convincing:

1. Every meeting is Friday night. Put your game face on.

We focus so much on the presentation content, when honestly (and this is real feedback), clients don’t hear half of what was said. However, if you do it right, they will remember YOU. Going into every opportunity feeling and looking strong and confident is your secret weapon. Dress well, obviously, but also exercise, eat well, make sure the team gets a good night’s sleep, do whatever helps you get grounded. And it can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths before you start that blasted Skype call.

2. Make sure you’ve got stuff to talk about.

We live in an age where you can find out a TON of stuff about people’s careers, education, interests, friends in common… It still amazes me, however, how many people don’t use what’s publicly available to find out what you have in common with your prospect. So, make sure you spend some time doing your due diligence. BUT, just like any good date, don’t blurt it out or make it obvious that you already know what you have in common. Just keep it in mind to work into the conversation when (and only when) it’s actually relevant.

3. No Lonely Hearts Club.

This one is pretty simple. When you’re a group presenting to a group, make sure every member of your audience gets attention. Better yet, assign your team member ‘dates’ – so your relationships go deeper than the main client or prospect. Let’s face it, everyone is happier if they have an interesting friend at the table.

4. Please, God, don’t talk about yourself the entire time.

The entire goal of the presentation is not to get your points across to the other party – it’s to start a real conversation. If you don’t have a discussion, you will never get to know each other and if you never get to know each other, well, you’re not going to have a relationship. And there are LOADS of ways to get people talking in presentations.

5. Stop thinking about how to score points and listen.

You’ve finally started a real dialogue with your prospect. OMG this is so exciting!! Now don’t lose your momentum by thinking about how you can answer their question with another reason why you and your team are so wonderful. Stop. Listen to what they’re really asking you. Ask for clarification if you don’t understand. Often, we miss those opportunities to connect because we really want to score points. You can score more points by really empathizing with their point of view FIRST.

6. Know when it is time to leave the party.

Sometimes dates go really well. Sometimes they don’t. Part of the issue is that we haven’t played out in our heads what might happen or what we really want to get out of the meeting (other than having it over with!!). Before you start, define your goal, and what you’d like for the next step. If it doesn’t go your way, do a post mortem immediately. That way the next date gets a lot better because you’ve ‘lived and learned’.

Rethinking presentation skills as relationship-building skills is the key. We all need to move from a ‘broadcast’ mindset to a one-on-one approach that’s interactive and convincing. And, ultimately, we all want the same thing - to convince our audience that swiping right was a brilliant idea!

Erin Flaxman is the founder of FLAXMAN + CO, a marketing and business development consultancy based in New York City. She has presided over countless presentations and pitches – and offers a full suite of services, not coincidentally, including presentation skills training.

Why, oh why, are our presentation skills stuck in the 20th Century?